Coming to a Crashing Halt: the Project Reevaluation

So. The car crash. The one where I failed to yield. The one where I didn't see the oncoming car. The one that ended up in the loss of my baby car, my freedom, and my confidence. I remember I posted about my first attempt at a grown-up thing a while ago, yet now I realize that that wasn't my first attempt at a grown-up thing. The first grown-up thing I did was sit behind that wheel and drive by myself. The first time I was given real responsibility was when I passed that road test in September. And I don't think I knew what that meant until last night when I couldn't get out from behind that wheel, when I felt the airbags explode around me. People were hurt, not badly, but still hurt, and my friends in the cars behind me saw the whole thing. The bruises and cuts might fade away, but the mental impact won't. And funny enough, when I had to say goodbye to my car today, I treated it like a living thing. Although it didn't accelerate so well, had a broken handle, had 200k+ miles, and would rarely recognize my phone on Bluetooth, I loved it. It was the first thing I was put in charge of.

It was also the car that allowed me to fully explore my project. I was just about to send off the form for after-school volunteering for the Refugee and Immigrant children, but I don't think I have a way of getting there now. Interview capabilities will also be a little thrown off, so when I get to that point, I'll have to see what I can do. My parents will be able to drive me sometimes; however, I will definitely have limited mobility. My life and my project is going to have to be reevaluated, and due to this accident, this month's SDA will probably be a little late, so I apologize about that. Life is pretty much chaotic right now.

But overall, even though this is going to sound stereotypical and kinda stupid, when I came to and managed to open the car door, I realized how much I appreciate being alive. How much I appreciate being given the opportunities I've been given and how much I appreciate the people I've met along the way. One, some people don't get the same opportunities as I have. I was born in a country and into a family that was fairly financially comfortable; I'll never have to cross a border in the middle of the night in order to have a better life for myself and future generations. I don't have to live in fear of some of my family members being deported or being separated from family that I had to leave behind. Two, as I've learned, being an adult is scary. It involved making decisions every day that can have unknown and possibly dangerous consequences, but it also can be a decision that leads to progress and positive change. This project is another step into being an adult; it's a chance for me to explore what I am passionate about and to leave my mark (hopefully a good one). And if anything, this has made me want to make a difference more within my community. Not only to make up for my past mistakes, but to give purpose to me walking away from this almost unscathed. Some people don't.